


under the orange sun

by teddygirl105



Category: ONF (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Beaches, Campfires, Character Death, Dreams, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Happy Yuto Day, Inspired by Music, Memories, Mentioned Other K-pop Artist(s), Nightmares, Pining, Sunsets, inspired by iu's eight
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 13:33:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,048
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056235
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teddygirl105/pseuds/teddygirl105
Summary: Yuto wants to be withthemagain. He wants to spend his free time with them like they used to, share laughter and hold each other in their arms.Slowly. Surely. Even if one of them is no longer there. They'll reconnect in time.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7





	under the orange sun

**Author's Note:**

> happy yuto day!! ever since [ onf's cover of eight ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fo7ZcXt_bOE&ab_channel=MdromedaKPOP)came out, i've been obsessed with it and was very compelled to write a fic based on the lyrics and general mood of the song. listen to it while you read if you want!
> 
> EDIT: mf has been proofread

_So, are you happy now?_

* * *

Yuto wakes up to another day.

The cool breeze of the morning air tickles at his skin, gently brushing at his curtains as the early sun peeks through. He fumbles for his phone at his bedside, checking the time.

 _'Sunday, November 9th  
_ _7:13AM'_

With a grunt, Yuto unceremoniously slaps it back down, burrowing his face back into the pillows and pulling his covers back up. Too early. The soft scent of fresh laundry lulls him back into a doze, the chirping of birds being droned out. His peace doesn't last long, though. His phone buzzes, each chirp of the alarm more and more piercing.

Paranoia gets to the best of him, and Yuto reluctantly opens his eyes. He peeks at the notification, all sense of calm rushing out of him as soon as he sees what it is.

_'Visit Minkyun_ _is in a week'_

He takes in a sharp breath, turning off his phone in an instant. Suddenly, the breeze feels all too cold and the sun now burns his eyes. Yuto tries to distract himself, thinking about how he gets to see Takuya, Yuto, Kenta, and Yuta tomorrow, but all his mind can focus on is _Minkyun._

A torrent rips through his thoughts, bringing dread and anxiety. Yuto feels like he could stay in bed all day and sleep away the nerves, but his trail of thought loops over and over again. _'M_ _inkyun.'_ it whispers at him, _'Can you believe it's been three years already? Three years since then?'_

Yuto sits up with a start, throwing his covers to the side and hauling himself out of bed. He has errands to do, work to finish. A busy day today.

_'It's Sunday. A weekend. You don't work today.'_

Right. Lots of work to do.

* * *

_"Yuto."_

_He looks up at the man standing next to him, the deep glow of his laptop screen offering little light to his figure. "Hm?" he rumbles, rubbing at his eyes. Yet another long night of work._

_"Come with me."_

_Yuto gapes at him. "You_ do _know how menacing you sound, right?" he comments._

_"Yes. I also do know that you've been working since 6pm, and it's now," he pauses, checking the time, "1 am."_

_"But Jaeyoung-hyung-!"_

_"You haven't stopped since, Yuto." Jaeyoung sighs. "Come. I'm taking you out for a bit."_

_It takes him a while to fully coerce Yuto away from his laptop, but after promises of being treated to ice cream, Jaeyoung has the boy in tow as they pile into his car and head to the nearest convenience store._

_Under the bright fluorescents of the store, Jaeyoung takes the time to look at Yuto. Dark circles that have only gotten deeper with the loom of final exams and assignments. Cheeks more gaunt from skipping meals. He never liked seeing the wear and tear of education grind at his friends, but he supposes that he's no different._

_"Which one do you want, hyung?" Yuto calls out quietly, Melona and Samanco in his hands._

_He hums, taking a look at the selection. "You pick for me." is what he answers with, making Yuto furrow his brow. In the end, he grabs another Melona and a Papico. They stroll around the store a little while longer, grabbing more snacks as they see fit. Jaeyoung walks out with his wallet a tad lighter and a hefty bag of all sorts of snacks in his hand._

_Yuto nibbles on his Samanco as Jaeyoung takes off, swaying back and forth to the music that plays. He hums along, seemingly oblivious to the fact that they're now on the freeway. The comfortable silence buzzes on his skin, making him feel warm and home._

_It takes Jaeyoung 15 minutes to drive to a quiet field on the outskirts of the city, away from the blinding lights and the bustling roads. Yuto makes a noise of confusion as the car slows to a halt on the gravel road._

_"Where are we?" he asks, leaning forward to squint out into the darkness._

_"We're in a field." Jaeyoung answers, unbuckling his seatbelt and stepping out of the car. He fiddles in the back, clearing any clutter and moving it to the backseats so that the trunk is clear._

_"What for?"_

_He spreads out some blankets and pillows. "Stargazing." is all he responds with._

_Jaeyoung pulls out a bluetooth speaker from out of thin air, connecting his phone so that they have some background noise. Yuto recognizes the small, blue device as Minkyun's. He must have forgotten it again during a late night out._

_He clambers out of the car and to the back, where Jaeyoung has transformed the trunk into a little, cozy nook for the two of them. Bag of snacks in the center, speaker resting precariously on the edge._

_Stargazing was what he said. And gaze at stars, they do._

_Yet again, a comfortable silence blankets the two of them, music filtering through with the occasional crinkle or crunch of a snack. Jaeyoung pipes in every once in a while, pointing out constellations that Hyojin's told him before. Yuto finishes his thoughts by making small stories about them._

_It's a time of peace and companionship. Where the presence of each other does all the talking for them._

_Belatedly, as Yuto feels his eyelids droop close and his head falling to lean on Jaeyoung's shoulder, he thinks that he wouldn't trade this for the world._

* * *

Yuto barely registers the fact that he's managed to trek to the market on his own accord, and is halfway through grabbing a loaf of bread when it finally hits. He flinches back, suddenly all too aware of the low murmur of voices and background noise. He forces himself to move, picking it up and placing it in his basket. Normal. Act _normal._

A deep exhale through his nose. Yuto takes a moment to look down, see what his body on autopilot has managed to grab. More produce. Milk. Rice. Things he usually gets on his grocery runs.

_'No snacks? Killjoy.'_

His feet begin to pull him away from all the things his body needs, to the not-quite necessary additions of loaded sugar and sodium. Yuto immediately grabs for a bag of chips, and when he spots his prized Jagarico in-stock for once, he dumps as many as society allows him to without looking odd.

He refrains from grabbing anything else, not wanting to blow most of his budget on snacks, but Yuto's eye catches on a familiar box just as he's about to leave the aisle. It only takes a few moments for his impulse to kick in, and he strides over to pick up the box of strawberry French Pie.

His hand knocks into someone else.

"Ah, sorry-" He pauses, looking at the man next to him. "...Hyojin-hyung." Yuto whispers.

"Yuto." Hyojin echos back.

They stand there in awkward silence, neither of them knowing what to say. Yuto… Yuto hasn't seen Hyojin in a long time. A few months, maybe. They floated away long ago, and since then had only seen each other in passing.

Hyojin looks the same as he always has, almost younger if it weren't for the fact that the man looks _tired._ Much more than Yuto. His hair isn't red anymore, now back to his natural colour of a deep, dark brown. And since when did he wear glasses?

"How are you?" Yuto manages to choke out, pushing back the lump in his throat. 

"Fine." is all Hyojin answers with. He continues his movement, grabbing the box to place in his own basket. "I could be better, but really, we all could."

That makes Yuto huff. "Ever the optimist, hyung." he lightly jabs. It isn't much, but it makes his chest float when he sees the corner of Hyojin's lips begin to curl upwards.

"And you, Yuto? Have you been doing well?"

Yuto shrugs. His hand diverts and ends up picking a box of Choco Pie. "Like you said, I could be better." he answers honestly.

They lapse back into another silence, Hyojin pretending to peruse while Yuto shuffles his feet.

"Yuto-"

"Hyung-"

They immediately both freeze. Hyojin gestures for him to go first.

_(They were once so in sync, back in better times. They knew innately when the other wanted to talk, knew how to finish each other's thoughts and sentences. Knew when one was too scared to voice their opinions, so the other would do it for them._

_They seem so lost at sea, now. Strangers.)_

"Hyung, will… will you come visit?" Yuto asks, his voice weak and barely heard. When Hyojin locks eyes with him, there's a hint of desperation in his gaze.

"I… What day will it be, this year?"

"It's next Sunday. Today's the 9th."

Hyojin mulls over it, brow slightly knit in concentration.

"It- It's been a long time since we all went." Yuto tacks on. "I know we're not as close as we used to be, but… I think he'd like it."

There it is. The slightest falter in his voice. Hyojin's known Yuto for so long, practically watched the boy grow from a young pre-teen into the adult he is now. Despite everything, he still has the same habits and quirks that Hyojin can latch onto.

Hyojin licks his lips. "...I'll try."

Yuto lights up. "Really?"

"Yeah. I should be free. I can try and reign Seungjun in as well."

A small smile, but wholly genuine, forms on Yuto's face. "That would be amazing." He quickly pulls out his phone to check the time, the smile fading. "I'm afraid I need to go now, I still have some other errands to do."

Hyojin nods. "Don't let me hold you back."

"Hopefully I'll see you soon?"

"Yeah. Take care, Yuto."

"You too, Hyojin-hyung."

Yuto walks away without another word, disappearing among the crowd and aisles.

Silently, Hyojin wonders how the others are doing. If they too, have changed just as much as Yuto.

* * *

_Yuto doesn't get nightmares often._

_In fact, Yuto doesn't dream often to begin with. It's either a haze from when he falls asleep to when he wakes up, or that he never seems to remember what he dreams about. Usually, he just knows vague, vague recollections. The colour red. The warmth of an embrace. Easy laughter._

_Unfortunately for him, the ones that he remembers vividly are always the nightmares._

_Yuto remembers being abandoned. He remembers the people he loves and cherishes leaving him without any hesitation. They turn their backs to him and walk away without another word. He tries to reach out to them, but his legs never seem to catch up. He tries to call out to them, desperate cries._

_"What did I do wrong?"_

_"Please, don't leave me!"_

_They fall on deaf ears._

_"No," he sobs, "please, I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry-!"_

_Cold. So, so cold._

_Yuto wakes up with his heart pounding in his chest, a cold sweat down his back and his sheets slightly damp. Everything feels too_ warm, _and he quietly folds his blanket away. He doesn't want to wake up Jaeyoung, who's sleeping next to him._

_He lays there in silence, forcing himself to breathe and waiting until his heart calms down. Yuto hates it. Every single time. It never gets any better. And of all days, it happens when they're all together._

_A light hand touches his shoulder, and Yuto jolts away, sitting up straight. He sees Seungjun, half asleep but with concern in his body language. "Are you alright?" he murmurs, sitting up as well. "You were moving a lot in your sleep."_

_"I'm fine." Yuto answers immediately, making Seungjun narrow his eyes at him. "Just- Just a nightmare. Nothing serious."_

_"Do you wanna talk about it?" He looks more awake now, clearly worried._

_Yuto shakes his head. "Not really."_

_They sit there in the dark for a moment, staring at each other. In the end, Seungjun slowly rises, holding out his hand. Yuto takes it. They carefully step around Minkyun's sprawled out form, safely onto the hardwood, and Seungjun leads him to the kitchen._

_Yuto watches as Seungjun lets go of his hand, scrounging around to get him a glass of water. It's pushed into his hands, and Seungjun doesn't let up on his eagle-like gaze, not until he finishes the whole glass._

_He raises his eyebrows at him. "Better?" he mouths. Yuto nods. Satisfied, Seungjun eases the glass out of his grip, setting it to dry. He offers Yuto his hand again._

_He takes it, letting himself be guided back to their dogpile of sheets and pillows. Seungjun lies down with him, making sure he's comfortable and tucked in before settling down himself._

_"I dreamt that I was being abandoned." Yuto blurts out quietly, and Seungjun freezes. "Everyone was leaving me, — Hyojin-hyung, you, all of them. My family. My friends. No one listened to me. I couldn't catch up no matter how hard I tried, and it was so cold there and I-"_

_A strong hand clamps onto his shoulder, and Yuto stops. Seungjun looks at him with so much despair and worry. "Yuto. Shh. It was just a dream." He pulls the younger into a tight embrace, nestling his nose in the crown of his hair. "We would never leave you. Not now, not ever."_

_Yuto grabs onto Seungjun's shirt, clutching it like a lifeline. He doesn't cry — doesn't want to over such a trivial thing. His chest stutters and his throat closes up on him, but Yuto does not cry._

_Instead, he lets the warmth of Seungjun's body heat engulf him. He hears his heart beat, feeling it against his forehead. He lets the cage of Seungjun's arms protect him from his nightmares, he lets the safety of his presence lull him away._

_Yuto lets Seungjun cradle him and become his guardian. Just this once._

* * *

_"...han!"_

_"...Chibi-chan!"_

Yuto jumps, startling out of his thoughts. He looks at Takuya, who's waving a hand back and forth in front of his eyes. _"You zoned out for a moment, Chibi-chan."_ he murmurs. _"You okay?"_

Yuto nods. _"I'm fine."_

Takuya doesn't seem to buy it, but leaves him alone nonetheless, turning back to their round of Smash Bros. Yuto had been playing as Ness, but was wiped out with the others ganging up on him. Now, it's a fight between Yuta and Kenta.

_(Smash Bros. was one of Minkyun's favourite games to play whenever they were all together as a group. He was the type of person to choose characters that were, "terrible," much to Seungjun's behest._

_"Kyun, if you pick Little Mac one more time, I will not hesitate to kill you myself."_

_"We're on the same team, hyung! You can't just do that!"_

_"I have the ability to turn on friendly fire. Do not tempt me.")_

Yuto, the other one, nudges him with his elbow. _"Chibi,"_ he whispers, slinging an arm around his shoulders. _"You're looking distant. Not yourself."_

He can only let out a sigh, curling into Adachi's side.

_"I'm fine, 'Dachi. Just tired."_

_"Are you sure?"_ Adachi raises an eyebrow.

Yuto takes in a deep breath. He's told Adachi about it before, about Minkyun. It's a touchy topic, but he knows just enough to understand how much it affects Yuto.

 _"It's just-"_ he pauses, rubbing a hand across his face. "I saw Hyojin-hyung yesterday." Yuto starts, flowing back to Korean. He loves Takuya and Yuta and Kenta with all his heart, but he knows that them trying to process Korean instead of Japanese while simultaneously trying to beat each other into the dirt will be too much for them. "I haven't seen him in months. I-I didn't really know what to say to him."

Adachi hums. "That's fine. No one expects you two to immediately pretend to be best friends in an instant."

"I wanted to talk to him more, I really did. But I…" Yuto wrings his fingers, "I said I had things to do and I left because no matter how hard I tried, I just- I couldn't bear it. I couldn't even look him in the eyes, 'Dachi."

Yuto lets out a shaky breath, screwing his eyes shut. "I want us to be complete so badly. I tossed the idea to him, of visiting with me. I didn't expect him to agree on it, but I can't help but think that it's all baseless."

"Do you not think that maybe, he wants the same thing too?"

Yuto looks at him. "Hm?"

Adachi's gaze doesn't move from the TV screen. "You've told me before, how Hyojin-ssi is the oldest of your friend group. Surely there's a certain burden that he's carrying to this day. Remember, Chibi, you aren't the only one feeling this pain. The others are as well. People cope differently."

Yuto stews over his answer. He supposes that Adachi is right. He's been narrow minded, focused only on himself and how it's affected him. Yuto hasn't really thought about the others that much.

_'Selfish.'_

"And don't think that you're selfish for putting yourself first." Adachi cuts in, as if he read Yuto's mind. "Honestly, I'm glad you did. I know what kind of person you are, Chibi. You'd end up destroying yourself if you had focused on the others and not you."

He huffs at that. _"Thanks, 'Dachi."_

Adachi smiles, ruffling Yuto's hair. _"You're welcome, Chibi. Now, why don't we team up and smoke the others in the next round?"_

_"Sounds like a perfect plan."_

* * *

_"Changyoon-hyunggggg!"_

_A groan escapes the elder's lips, and he rolls over on his side. "What is it, Yuto?"_

_Yuto's eyes seem to shine with so much excitement, despite the sweat that drips down his chin and the KT tape that stretches along his arms and shoulders. "Can I sleep over at your place today?"_

_Changyoon sighs. "First I let you rope me into your dance project, and now you want to sleep over at my place every opportunity you get?" he grumbles. "But yes, you fool. You're lucky I like you."_

_Yuto grins widely, sprawling out on the hardwood floor. "Heh, thanks hyung~"_

_"You're welcome, brat."_

_The two of them lay on the floor for a long time, catching their breath and cooling down from their long hours of practice. It's Changyoon who moves first, finally sitting up with a wince and crawling towards his bag to chug some water. When Yuto makes no initiative to get up, Changyoon rummages through the younger's bag and throws his water bottle at him. It lands squarely on his stomach, making him wheeze._

_"Get up. The faster we leave, the faster we can get home and sleep." Changyoon tells him, wiping away his sweat and beginning to pack. Yuto reluctantly sits up, drinking some water as he watches._

_They leave the studio after doing a quick sweep of the floors, turning everything off and locking up. It's a quiet, cool night at the wee hours of 2 am, a welcome change from the stuffy, hot air of the studio._

_Yuto makes a pit stop at a nearby convenience store to grab them some quick food, and the two of them munch on triangle kimbap as they walk to Changyoon's place. They don't exchange many words, simply trivial notes of, "Oh look, there's a cat," to, "Look at that car."_

_Changyoon's place is a home away from home to Yuto. He's spent so much time at his place that he knows it like the back of his hand. He knows where Changyoon keeps his snacks, which knife is the_ good _knife, to even the one, specific loose floorboard that he still hasn't bothered to fix yet._

_"Go take a shower first." Changyoon tells him when they step in. He pries Yuto's bag off of his shoulder, taking it in his hands. Yuto nods, knowing not to contest his hyung's words._

_By the time Yuto's done, clean of sweat and in fresh clothes, Changyoon has transformed his living room into a nest of pillows and blankets for them to sleep in. They pass their roles to each other like clockwork, Yuto heading over to finish the job while Changyoon goes to wash up._

_The late hour combined with his sore muscles begins to grasp at Yuto's consciousness, and before he knows it, he finds himself under the covers, all curled up into a small ball. He tries to fight back the sleep, wanting to wait for Changyoon to come back, but Yuto ends up dozing off._

_"Hey, Yuto-"_

_Changyoon stops himself, looking at the boy who peacefully sleeps, tucked in like a cute little kid. A smile grows on his lips, and he takes a few pictures for blackmail before turning off the lights. As soon as Changyoon slides under the covers, however, Yuto unfolds from his little ball to sprawl himself all over the bedding. And Changyoon's body._

_"Brat." he hisses, "You weren't asleep, were you?"_

_He gets nothing but the faintest curl of a smile._

_Changyoon gently lifts Yuto's arm so that it rests on his sternum and_ not _his throat, but otherwise leaves him be. It isn't long until Yuto grows tired of the position, and eventually shifts so that his head lies on Changyoon's shoulder, an arm and leg slung over him._

_Yuto truly falls asleep then, the smile fading away to leave a calm, resting face._

_"Oh, you big baby." Changyoon whispers, carding a hand through his hair. He'd always been so jealous of how soft Yuto's hair was._

_He falls asleep halfway through the motion, other hand resting atop of Yuto's._

* * *

Yuto wakes up in a cold sweat.

He doesn't remember much this time. Warmth. The soft sounds of a guitar. The crackle of a fire. Comfort.

He's confused as to why he feels like he just woke up from a nightmare. It didn't feel like one. The fact that he can't remember what it was usually means it isn't.

And yet, it continues to claw at him. Almost as if it's _begging_ to be remembered.

Reluctantly, Yuto closes his eyes once more, silently hoping he'll be taken back into that dream.

* * *

_The heat of the fire warms Yuto from head to toe, a glow that engulfs his entire body as he wraps the blanket around his shoulders tighter._

_"The stars are nice today." he murmurs, gently swaying back and forth._

_Minkyun hums, continuing to tune his guitar. "A perfect night, no? That's why I chose today."_

_"Damn good luck, I say."_

_Minkyun grins, his dimples in full view. "Nah. I looked at the weather forecast."_

_Yuto chuckles, observing how Minkyun's fingers fiddle with his guitar until he's satisfied. The man wastes no time in strumming a simple melody, making up a tune on the spot._

_Yuto lets himself be lost. He focuses on Minkyun's voice, how clear and unique it is. He watches embers float into the sky, the crackle of the fire melding into the song so seamlessly._

_There are days when Yuto becomes homesick. Where he longs for the comfort of his family, the roads of Osaka and the tongue of a language that he once spoke all the time. Foods that never tasted quite the same here in Seoul, the familiarity of a neighbourhood he grew up in._

_But Minkyun. Minkyun manages to convey those same feelings, from the warmth of his presence, to the honey lemon that his voice sounds like and the lingering feeling whenever his hands would grasp at Yuto's._

_Yuto would have it no other way._

_As he watches Minkyun, watches how at ease the man is, Yuto's heart wishes for more. He wishes for laughter. Fingers entwined, locked in place. A strong embrace whenever he wants. Eyes that will only look at him. Soft kisses that press against the crown of his head._

_Minkyun catches him staring. He smiles._

_Yuto smiles back._

_He doesn't dare to ruin what they already have._

* * *

He finds it a little harder to breathe as he steps onto the grounds of the cemetery, a small bundle of flowers in his fist. Camellias.

 _'Tsubaki.'_ his mind supplies for him. His parents wanted to call him that if he ended up being a daughter.

Yuto has never liked coming to the cemetery, even when he was a kid. It unnerved him to no deal, and the solemn atmosphere was suffocating.

Now, he hates it even more.

His feet take him on a path he's treaded multiple times by now, each step feeling heavier and heavier until he has to practically force himself to continue.

November 16th.

Minkyun's birthday is today.

Yuto reaches the peak of the small hill with a deep breath, steeling himself. His brows furrow, noticing the small crowd of people at his destination. As he gets closer, he realizes who they are.

"You came." he breathes out, and all four of them turn to look.

"Yuto." Jaeyoung smiles lightly.

The boy whips his head to Hyojin, who simply cocks his head. "You- Did you-?"

He nods. "Mmhm. Seungjun agreed in a heartbeat, and one thing led to another."

Yuto looks down at the gravestone, the dirt and moss cleaned off of it and a multitude of flowers resting around it.

Inwardly, his heart blooms. Yuto hadn't expected anyone to come today. And yet, here they were, proving him wrong.

It feels… nice.

They let Yuto do his thing, making space so that he can step in front of the grave. He sets down his flowers, bowing three times before closing his eyes and clapping his hands twice in prayer. When he opens them, he bows one more time.

It feels a little awkward to do his usual routine with other people watching him, but Yuto continues. He sits on his knees, ignoring how the morning dew seeps into his pants and jacket.

He opens his mouth to speak. Nothing comes out.

 _'Are you well?'_ is what he wants to say. _'A lot has happened, Minkyun. I still miss you, Minkyun.'_

Yuto begins to tremble, his throat closing up on him as tears start to form in the corner of his eyes. He feels so _overwhelmed._ He- He hasn't seen Seungjun and Jaeyoung and Changyoon in _so long,_ and _God they look so tired._

A tear slips, trailing down his cheek. He takes in a stuttering breath.

"We're together again." he croaks out, before the torrent of emotions take over and Yuto sobs. His chest heaves with each breath, hurting so badly but feeling so cathartic.

He feels warm arms hold him close. The whisper of comforting words from a voice that he hasn't heard in such a long time. Yuto takes in the gentle scent of lavender, recognizing it as Seungjun.

"I want to go back," he wails, feeling like a five year old having a tantrum. "I-I don't want to be alone anymore! Please, I-" Yuto chokes on his words, curling in on himself.

"I want you all back!..."

All four of them seize up, holding their breath.

The drift after Minkyun's passing was stretched out and long. But they were used to it. Used to pain and grief. They did what they could; they compartmentalized and moved on.

But Yuto. They forgot how much younger Yuto is. They should have been there for him, to help him through the process of grief and to help him mourn. Instead, they left him to fend for himself.

"Oh, Yuu." Changyoon whispers, cupping Yuto's face in his hands. "We're so sorry, Yuu."

Looking at Changyoon only makes Yuto cry even harder. He missed his stupid face, how his eyes scrunched into crescents whenever he smiled and how his cheekbones rose.

Yuto gasps for breath, trying to force himself to calm down. A strong hand rubs circles on his back, and he hears Jaeyoung murmur in his ear. "Careful now, Yuto. Slowly, remember your counts- there you go."

It takes a moment, but Yuto manages to slow his sobs into hiccups. His eyes burn and his face feels swollen and blotchy, but somehow, he feels _alive._

He looks around at the others. There are tears that threaten to fall from Hyojin's eyes. The others already have streaks on their cheeks.

Yuto says nothing. He simply wraps his arms around all of them to the best of his ability and holds them close.

Home.

* * *

_Yuto shrieks, running away from the waves that threaten to lap at his heels. He can hear Seungjun yelp as the waters wash away his writing in the sand. Hyojin reprimanding Changyoon and Jaeyoung in the distance. Minkyun as he tries to communicate with a seagull._

_There's only a few moments till sunset, the sky already beginning to grow from pale blue to yellow. Hyojin ushers them all back to the safety of their towels, and they cluster together._

_Minkyun pulls out his guitar, playing a calming tune as they watch the sun shift closer to the horizon. The world blooms into a deep orange, streaks of pinks and purples mixing like cotton candy._

_Changyoon forces them to take a few pictures. Some nice ones for their social media, before it delves into silly faces. Hyojin manages to grab a fist full of sand, shoving it under Seungjun's collar. He screams, immediately lunging at his best friend. The two of them begin to run around the beach in a cat and mouse game._

_Yuto laughs so hard his chest hurts and he can barely breathe. A hand suddenly slaps his back, and he turns to see Hyojin grinning at him._

_"You're it."_

_Jaeyoung and Changyoon flee from the towel, while Minkyun haphazardly places his guitar to safety before scrambling away just in time. Yuto jumps to his feet, beginning to chase whoever is closest to him._

_He barely manages to snag Minkyun's arm, doing a quick 180 to run the opposite direction._

_He loves how the wind blows in his hair. He loves how the orange glow of the sunset manages to make everyone look their best. Yuto relishes in it._

* * *

_If this is a nightmare…_

Yuto wakes with his chest pounding.

He remembers orange. He remembers laughter and smiles. Sand under his toes.

He remembers _everything._

And for the second time in 24 hours, Yuto cries.

_I don't wanna wake up._

**Author's Note:**

> [ twitter](https://twitter.com/teddygirl105)   
>  [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/teddygirl05)


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